A critical analysis of Karachiites living in a multi-ethnic wasteland

Surprisingly, Karachiites made a sane choice this election season by not voting for a party (MQM) that had long sensationalized, but rarely delivered. I use the word sane here as even then, it was not the most logical choice.

A rational choice would have been to not vote at all for a system that grants the privileges of governing 1.5 million people (official but doubtful numbers) to a party (PPP) that won only 3 seats in the elections. The abstinence should have continued until the demands for a separate province were met.

karachi rubbishIt is not their fault either. Karachiites are not the brightest Pakistanis around, but definitely the most resilient ones. Inhabited largely by one of the most educated races in Pakistan, Karachi has a long history of making uneducated choices.

The Muhajirs, or Urdu-Speaking, are a nice bunch of people, extremely well-mannered and hard-working. But it is common knowledge that the Almighty never endows perfection on any of his creations, and so Muhajirs also have their weaknesses, the most prominent of which is a low emotional quotient.

As long as their basic necessities are met, their short term goals are achieved and you talk sweet to them and show them dreams of a better future, they will buy anything you are selling. Add a pinch of racism and a spoonful of victim mentality and you have the perfect cauldron for a Muhajir.

They live in extremely poor conditions, but are even willing to serve their oppressors as long as the above potion is fed to them. This was the exact recipe that MQM used for 3 decades, and is the current modus operandi for the PTI.

karachi mqmPerhaps the Muhajirs’ love for sensationalism and a spontaneous revolution arises from the very fact that they are highly educated, literary people. They have the poetry of Ghalib and Mir Taqi Mir on the tips of their palms. Poetry tends to create a false sense of satisfaction in tempestuous times, and this is perhaps responsible for the delusional bubble that the Muhajirs in Karachi seem to be living in.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not stereotyping anyone here. Majority of the people in all these ethnicities are peaceful and hard-working, but the few evil ones have transformed Karachi into a wasteland. Unfortunately, the sum of all that is Solution: the majority will have to rise and defeat their nefarious designs.

Then come the Pathans, a warrior race that have been genetically designed to annihilate anything that stands in their path. A Pathan child has the capacity to topple a full grown man with his finger, and this super human strength makes them fully suited to jobs that require power and endurance. You will find Pathans driving the local economy as security guards, drivers, cargo shifters, laborers and masons throughout Karachi.

Pathans are politically much more mature than the Muhajirs, as evidenced by PTI being the only party to have won elections consecutively in KPK. However, Pathans in Karachi seem to be suffering from a hypocritical frenzy.

You will not find a Pathan who doesn’t pray five times a day. Many have prayer beads in their hands, and most recite durood when they are not doing anything. Yet even the mildly evil ones among them feel no shame in petty theft or encroaching other people’s rights.

karachi electricity theftPark your car in a Pathan dominated locality in Karachi and you will return to find your rear-view mirrors and battery missing. While you are foraging through your wallet to find out if you have enough money for a new battery, two Pathans on a bike will come and rob you off your mobile and cash. In despair, you look towards the sky only to find kundas on pylons supplying electricity to houses owned by bearded, staunch Muslims.

Punjabis are usually an intelligent creed. However, Punjabis in Karachi will vote for anyone who keeps Lahore happy. Ask a Punjabi: How often does load-shedding occur in your area? He answers: 12 hours, but in Lahore it is for 0 hours so I will vote for Nawaz Sharif again. Ask him: Have you ever been robbed of your cell phone on the streets? He answers: Yes, but there is a dolphin squad in Lahore so I will vote of NS again.

Sindhis were a minority in Karachi a few decades back, but have since become the third largest ethnicity. Despite being only handful in numbers, they occupy important positions, thanks to their nepotistic tendencies. I remember a Sindhi cook we had once upon a time who was also a school teacher and a polio worker, but had never gone to work at either job and still received his monthly income.

karachi politicsThe Muhajirs of Karachi voted for a Muhajir Party: Result – Karachi died.┬áThe Muslims of Karachi voted for a Islamic Party: Result – Karachi died. The youth and oppressed of Karachi have now voted for a party that promises accountability: Result – Karachi is dying.

Next time, forget which ethnicity you belong to, try to be a Karachiite and vote for Karachi or don’t vote at all.